I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
