oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
