You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
