Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
