I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
