I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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