I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
