At least make sure they are 18
Why
I puked a lego.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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