I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
