she woke up with a sticky ear
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
