FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We just shotgunned beers for America
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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