so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
