Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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