I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
