What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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