can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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