can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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