dude i'm inner monologue high
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
false alarm. still invincible.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
