when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
