Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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