dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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