i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
