OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
