he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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