If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
