My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
