i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
