I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
