why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's never too late to be topless.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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