last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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