i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
40s are totally the cure
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
