i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
