Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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