i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize