Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
