you guys were way drunker than both of me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
