good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
