my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
