there's paper in my vomit.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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