I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
