Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
