dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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