This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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