That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
