My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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