we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she peed on how many people?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
