just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
