yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
