Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
