I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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