Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
