Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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