Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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