Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
