i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
