If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
