I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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