I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
