Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
