Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
