i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
