I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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