my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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