hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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