She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he thought i was a dude.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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