No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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