I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
