He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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