You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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