I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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