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I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
