Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
