You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's blow job season.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
