Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
