this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
