Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
