She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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