Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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