My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
