Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
