I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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