just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
