The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They have beer where we have blood.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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