You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
