I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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