our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
