Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
