I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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